Category: Singles Spit Swap
Hey this is stephen Owen, I am going to a church here in Nashville, And I am in a singles class there, And their are allot of really nice people in there, But tell me if you think if this is odd? They think that guys should hang out with guys, And girls should hang out with girls! And I dont think thats right! when I first went in there, they said that we're Not here to help people find anyone, But we're here to talk about problems that other people might be faceing! such as a brake up with a girlfriend, Or a divorce, Or anything to do with being single. Also another thing about it, is they don't talk to me like a normle person! I go in to the class, And it seems like I just sit their, Now people will say hey, But thats about the egstent of it, Or Lets put you over here with other people, so your not sitting by your self! Now they do devide you in to prayer groops, And last week My prayer groop leader as saying that he would like to take people in the groop out to eat, and get to know them better, But he said that that he would find it easyer to go out with the guys rather than the girls, And some of the girls in the groop said, well if we did, we would have to bring hour kids, And he said that was fine, But also I was asking hem one time, is their anyone that I can hang out with that doesn't have kids? And he kind of made this statement, Well You want to hang out with the guys, But Not the girls! So what do you think about all of this? I am going to try some other classes, before I make a disition to leave the church, Now I really like the church! But whye do we have to get in to clicks?
Yes I can certainly see how this could be an odd situation. Christianity (at least as the Bible portrays it) is all about equality, fellowshiping and all that. Unity is greatly important, and yet it seems to me (who is the member of a church in which Unity is spoken of lovingly, yet not really followed)that there's really something wrong. What you've described definately sounds unpelasant. It's wierd that mingling between men and women doesn't seem to be looked on very well. After all, aren't we meant to find unity and happiness together as husbands and wives? Not saying everyone in that group should partner up and get married, but I do think that men and women interacting with one another is extremely important. If the guys and girls have past problems then perhaps it's even more important.
the reason they don't let women and men to intermingle is because it is a part of the tenets of christianity. The bible says such things as, "wives, submit ye unto your husbands", and "it is not a woman's place to speak in the church". I paraphrase, the exact verses can easily be looked up. the point is that the mingling of the sexes would lead to such sins as premarrital sex and looking upon a women in desire; which the bible says is adultery. That's right, just looking at a woman desiringly is adultery.
If you don't agree with this practice, and I can't blame you for not, I would suggest leaving the church and finding one that doesn't actually follow the teachings of the bible quite so strictly.
The thing is, while Paul does in fact speak of such matters in the bible, I believe it is very important to keep in mind the time period in which his words were written, and the people they were written to. After all, the law of Moses was strictly observed (even though people found tons of ways to pretend to keep it, yet violate it). Paul in his teachings speaks of things which, if one really stops to consider what Christianity teaches might not make a whole lot of sense in the context of our day and age. After all, the law of Moses was fulfilled and done away with by Christ. It was a law for those people at that time.
In the end, one's perception of their church will help to determine their stance on certain issues. The bible is the word of God, so far as it is translated correctly. Unfortunately it can also be interpreted in vastly different ways by people with their own agendas and understandings; a problem which I believe to be the cause of the vast number of differing Christian ideologies. Women are not meant to be demure creatures, constantly submitting to the will of their husbands. Women are equal partners in marriage. But Equal does not mean identical. it is the woman's position to live and love in council with her husband, the head of the house, as it is the man's place to preside over that house in love, wisdom and righteousness. (and personally, I think some of that righteousness comes from listening to the council of his wife.) That does not make her place any less. After all, God made Eve for Adam to be a "help Meet". The original Hebrew for meet means that Eve was adequate for, or equal to, Adam. She wasn’t his servant or his subordinate. And the Hebrew for help in “help meet” is ezer, a term meaning that Eve drew on heavenly powers when she supplied their marriage with the spiritual instincts uniquely available to women as a gender
Anyway, sorry about that. Totally off topic perhaps. I guess mine is just another perception. In any case, by frowning on the intermingling of men and women , you MIGHT help prevent premarital sex and all that. But you may also prevent the unity that can come with dating, and the marriage that might spring from love. Sex before marriage is condemned , sex after is beautiful, sacred and commanded. Not at all. Men and women are meant to be together, to love one another and serve one another. I would think that while a singles' group might wish to disuade men and women from engaging in premarital sex, it would wish to condone them from meeting, developing friendships, falling in love and ultimately marrying. For in Genesis 2, 24 it says " Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall ccleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
so what your saying, is that I should find another church? But first, I am going to try another class, with cupples and singles. But I don't they should treat me any differently than they would any else just because I have a disability!
Do you have a talent? It seems the folks who can sing or play an instrument can fit in better with a church. I don't have any talents so found myself being alone even though I was in a prayer group, Bible study, and the like. I have friends with talent and they seem to do better with church. I think it boils down to you can talk about people being Christian, but they are human and sometimes don't get past a disability well.
I think ppl in your group are probably uncomfortable with your blindness. The more comfortable you can make them feel and the more they come to realize that you are just a person that happens to be blind and that they don't have to treat you any differently than anyone else, the easier they'll find it to talk to you and include you in the group.
You still may feel unhappy with the group for other reasons, but getting ppl comfortable with your blindness will help a lot in the process of fitting in.
Yah, But if I start playing music, thats ok, But every time we will have a conforsation about anything, It always seems to get back to the music, And thats what I am triing to get away from, I mean, Not that I don't lkike to talk about music, But thats the problem, people when they see me play music, they say, O! is that what every blind person does? And they think it's so amazing that I can play guitar!
I'm sorry but I don't think a group like that is ever going to get comfortable with your blindness. Heavens they're not even comfortable with the opposite sex! Find a group of people who aren't so uptight!
Kim
I unfortunately have to agree with the above posts. It's unfortunate, but Christianity doesn't automatically mean inclusive.
Most of the churches are so against homosexuality, but they want guys to hang out with only guys and girls to hang out with only girls. Wonder if it ever occurs to them that it could be construed that they're helping homosexuality out. In bording schools, where the sexes are separated in to dorms, a lot of this sort of thing is very common. Just my musings.
Yah I see what you mean!
Get outta church, and into a singles bar!
Love that observation Anthony. Smile. Get in to another group.
I need a bit of clarification here. Is the group talking about who you hang out with just as far as the group is concerned, or are they talking about social situations in general? If you're a guy and you are expected to socialize exclusively with other guys, how and when do you find and meet women to date? I'd love to find out this group's rationale for such a philosophy. Now, I have thought that for most people, this was considered a social norm, although perhaps not to such an extreme, although I never went along with it. A guy would have to be pretty nerdy and have a lot in common with me for me to want to hang out with them above all else. I would not want to hang out with a bunch of guys just for people to hang out with, and I find women can be easier to talk to anyhow, even if all you are is friends. Heck, my wife and I started out as friends with no intention of dating each other, so go figure.
I don't think they really want people to date, more like talk about life and there is where you folks clash on. it's like a pere support group and those don't do well with oo, well I have no friends and blah blah blah, they don't do that kind of peer support. and they don't match people up either, really not at churches. I get what you're saying, but maybe churches is the wrong place to look isn't there like a shopping center you can hang out at?
I think part of the problem here is that you're specifically looking to date someone all the time, or at least this is the impression I get. If this is the case, I think you need to become comfortable with yourself on your own before you can enter in to any sort of healthy relationship with someone else.
If I'm wrong, the below still applies. I think Kim is 100% correct! I also think, from the churches I've been to, that if you're looking for that special someone, church isn't the place you'll likely find that person. Most of the people I know who go to church are older, have children, and are married or some combination there of. There are exceptions to the rule of course, but it seems that this would be the case based on my own observations and the observations of friends.